These excuses are not going to get you out of being in trouble, but if you are in trouble anyway, then you may as well enjoy it. Some of the lines are going to make your fellow students laugh, so there is always a silver lining to every situation.
He was just throwing up everywhere. I was up with him most of the night and only managed three paragraphs before the horror started. I stayed up with him whilst waiting for the vets to open at 8:30am. By 5am he was okay and started walking around again so I went to sleep. My sister just took him to the vets and I am really worried. This idea was based on a real-life example from when a college student marched half an hour late into a chemistry class and announced, â€œSorry I'm late, my dog got sick from drinking toilet water with bleach in it.â€
So I thought I would lower the amount of marking you had tonight.
This works great if someone has already handed in the work and had it marked because you can claim you lent your work to them and have not had it back yet.
Your teacher will reply, â€œHow or why would that stop you doing your homework?â€ To which you reply, â€œI can't work on an empty stomach, can you?â€
This is cheeky and you won't get away with it, but say it loud enough in class and you may get a few cheap laughs.
The old gag is that your dog ate it, so this is a play on that.
At some point when your teacher is questioning, you could also say, â€œWell if I had done my homework then you still wouldn't have got it because I couldn't have walked to class.â€
It's true, these days I have such a bad memory that I can't even finish aâ€¦
Tell the teacher the page was blank and you couldn't figure out which side the front or back was.
You can also try this with, â€œMy mum doesn't know how to do xxx.â€
Your teacher will probably give you a nasty look, but may forgive you when he or she Google's it and finds out what it means (it is a phobia of work of any kind).
You can try this one a number of ways such as, â€œWater started falling from the sky and I was worried the sky was leaking,â€ and â€œThe sun went missing in the evening and I was on the phone all night with the milk carton company trying to list a missing advert.â€
There are other variations on this such as, â€œIt was so good that my mum is having it laminated.â€
You are implying that is was so good that the people at Mensa took it from you.
The punchline is, â€œSo she sent it off to the bank to try and increase her overdraft.â€
The most common version is, â€œMy cleaner threw it awayâ€, but saying butler has a sweeter sarcastic edge to it.
Your excuse for not bringing it in is that it is so good that the other students would feel bad that theirs was not as good as yours.
You claim that you did it, marked it and kept it at home so that the teacher had a lower workload (because you are just a nice person).
Your teacher will reply with how you could have printed it off and brought it in, but you then reply with, â€œOh no, that wasn't the problem, without the Internet I had no way of copying the answers.â€ It prods nicely at the fact that the school structure has broken down because all answers to all homework questions can be found online.
This is a nasty trick to pull and there are lots of students that still use this old excuse. You could always say you were just being cheeky and that you will hand it in tomorrow.
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Wendy J. on Feb 2016
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